So this is probably the second or third time I’ve turned down a relationship with someone I’ve really liked since being back home. The more times you break, the harder it is to put yourself back together again.
It sucks that I literally couldn’t care less about past relationships (frankly I wipe them from my memory quite easily), yet somehow they’ve left such deep scars behind that its incredibly difficult to trust again.
I hate how easily someone can walk into your life and tear you to shreds, then just stroll back out again leaving you in pieces so they can continue their path of destruction with some other poor defenceless victim.
I’m being treated better than I’ve ever experienced in my whole life, yet I can’t just let go of this fear that once I commit, it’ll all crash and burn.
He knows me completely already, my likes/dislikes, my favourite movies, my silly sense of humour, we spend all day giggling at silly things, if he sees me feeling sad or stressed out he gives me forehead kisses, he sends me to sleep with back tickles, we kiss pretty much all day long, he’s incredible with Harley, he treats me to little gifts every now and again, he always asks me how I’m feeling and tells me I’m beautiful, not to mention the fact that we have the best sex I’ve ever had.
Kicking myself for letting ridiculous past issues stop me from finally being happy, but I have a feeling he can slowly chip away at these walls I’ve put up.
Hopefully not many of you bother to read this, I just needed to vent. x